Why I hate iPhone Calls

I am not a phone person. I have no real excuse except that I don't like talking on the phone. My iPhone is my only source of telecommunication and frankly it makes my arm hurt after two minutes of trying to cram the thing down my ear canal or hang out the window to get better service after the call was dropped three times while a fire truck goes by. 


I think email is better anyway. On the phone, you can't ignore the, "what are you doing this weekend" question. Phone-friend is about to ask you to do something which will probably sound fun but really you planned to sleep in and have no plans. Maybe indulge your X-files-Netflix-stream addiction. In your underwear. And you can't admit that to Ms./Mr. Afraid-Of-Nothing-Completely-Accomplished-Life. Maybe that is my real problem. All of my friends are better than me. I need to hang out with high school students more.


There are many 'kids today' issues with technology and I resent being on either side of my feelings. I don't think there is a 'general decorum' rule for communication anymore. I think there is a 'how distant can I keep my true feelings' rule. We constantly offend each other with tactics, perhaps we should just stop being offended? The technology is there and it doesn't help to judge if one is better than the other. I'm sure when the telephone was installed in every establishment, some stubborn human refused to use it and tried to write a letter to the police that an armed robber was in the house. 


Efficiency. 


I've had friendships unravel over badly chosen and poorly timed mediums. I once texted I was unable to attend a concert. I was sick as a dog and couldn't lift my head. I thought the other end would understand. The other end was furious I didn't call. I don't blame her. For me, I've received much desired acknowledgment and validation through thank you texts. I certainly would have preferred a letter, visit, a call, diamonds but who knows if they were possible and the reason for the impossibility could be left up to each person's judgement. 


I've found that even though I irritate the heck out of many folks, I stick to hiding in my writing. Plus, I tend to be reactionary by trait. I do not enjoy the ulcers that causes me. I'm sensitive beyond normalcy so I have to protect humankind against my fears. If I write, I can carefully attempt to avoid tasting my toenails in conversation and I have the added bonus of style. It would be weird if I tried on different accents every time I returned a call. 


Because I never answer the phone. That is what a strategically happy and cool recording of my greeting does for me. 


"I am always this balanced and you will never see my bad side."


"Except when I blog about it later."


I think I secretly want to out my bad side.